I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
