Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
