so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
