dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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