Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
