WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
