I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
