i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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