Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
