make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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