we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
