i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
