You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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