What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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