Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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