If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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