I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
