pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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