ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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