The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
