shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
