While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
