I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
