just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
