My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
