ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I came so hard my ears popped.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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