At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
