from now on my penis is your penis
I wish you could order shots online.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize