Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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