cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
