You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
