all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
