i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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