I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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