If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
