I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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