You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
