There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize