i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
