My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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