the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
