I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize