They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
