dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
