well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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