He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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