Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
