well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
