i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
