Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are a genius and a whore.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
