This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
only you would photoshop your dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
