The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
