I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
