I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
