So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
