I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
