I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
