My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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