well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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