Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
