So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
