I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will be naked everywhere
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
