Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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