Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I didn't notice because vodka
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
