I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
