I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
