What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
