I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize