shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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