I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
