sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
