I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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