at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
