cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
