alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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