What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
