he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize