talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He shit in the fireplace
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
