porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
