I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The power of my boobs compel you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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