im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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