So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He? As in you personified your dick?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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