Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
