Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
