chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
