Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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