I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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