Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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