i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize