Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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