he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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