I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
