sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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