How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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