If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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