I am puke
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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