My nipple is on Facebook.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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