You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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