Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
