I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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