I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
