I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
