I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
