Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
