I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my poor anus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
