Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
