yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
