I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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