...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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