sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
