He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
