Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
