Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
