My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
