My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
