There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
