I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
