I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
