ugly people sure do ruin things
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There r osticjed everywhere
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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