We named our party play list daddy issues
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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