bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
