i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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