my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
